Everything You Need to Know About Elvis

Elvis Aaron Presley was a humanoid who appeared on Earth in 1935, specifically in Tupelo, Mississippi—a location whose primary claim to fame would forever be “the place where Elvis came from,” which is rather like being known as the parking lot next to a famous restaurant.

For approximately four decades, Elvis masquerized (a term meaning “to pretend to be human while gyrating one’s hips in ways that alarm conservative humans”) as a Terran musician. He became extraordinarily famous for making sounds with his vocal cords that Earth females found irresistible, and for moving his lower torso in a manner that Earth males found threatening. This combination proved to be a remarkably successful formula.

The Curious Case of the Disappearing King

In 1977, Elvis allegedly “died” in a bathroom—a location that most species across the galaxy would agree is among the least dignified places to conclude one’s existence. However, the circumstances surrounding this event were so suspicious that even humans, who are generally quite gullible about these matters, began to question the official narrative.

Reported sightings of Elvis continued for decades afterward at petrol stations, shopping centers, and establishments serving what humans optimistically call “food.” The truth, which the Guide can now exclusively reveal, is far simpler: Elvis didn’t die. He went home.

The Extraterrestrial Truth

Elvis was, in fact, from the planet Melodion-7 in the Corsenica Nebula, where all inhabitants are born with an innate ability to make other species’ knees weak and hearts flutter. His mission on Earth was part of a standard cultural exchange program, though he rather exceeded his brief by becoming the best-selling solo music artist in the history of recorded sound.

The 1977 “death” was simply Elvis catching his scheduled transport home. The timing was unfortunate—he’d meant to leave quietly, but Earth bureaucracy being what it is, he had to stage an elaborate exit. His home planet’s retrieval team did their best with the bathroom scenario, though in retrospect, they admitted it “could have been handled with more dignity.”

Elvis now lives peacefully on Melodion-7, where he occasionally performs at local venues and runs a small business teaching other species how to curl their upper lips in that peculiar way that humans found so appealing.

Legacy

Earth humans continue to impersonate Elvis in alarming numbers, suggesting either that his influence was profound or that humans will use any excuse to wear rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuits. Possibly both.

Yoast SEO Meta Description: Discover the truth about Elvis Presley’s death and why the King of Rock and Roll was actually an alien who returned to his home planet in 1977. The Hitchhiker’s Guide reveals all.