What is The Fermi Paradox?

The Fermi Paradox is named after a human physicist named Enrico Fermi who, while having lunch one day in 1950, asked his colleagues a question that would perplex his species for generations: “Where is everybody?”

This was considered a profound question, though it should be noted that Fermi asked this while eating in a cafeteria that was, by all accounts, quite full of people at the time.

What Fermi meant, of course, was: given the staggering number of stars in the galaxy, the apparent ease with which life arose on Earth, and the vast age of the universe, why hadn’t Earth been visited by extraterrestrial civilizations? Where were all the aliens?

The answer, it turns out, is quite simple: they know about Earth.

The Actual Answer

Earth has been thoroughly documented in every major galactic travel guide, atlas, and navigation database with warnings that can be summarized as follows:

“Avoid. Inhabitants still think they’re alone.”

You see, there exists an informal but strictly observed Galactic Protocol regarding pre-warp civilizations who haven’t yet figured out that the universe is absolutely teeming with life. The protocol states, roughly: “Leave them be until they work it out themselves, or at least until they stop arguing about whether climate change is real.”

Earth has been on the Galactic Quarantine List since approximately 1947, after an unfortunate incident in New Mexico resulted in decades of conspiracy theories, three terrible film franchises, and an enormous amount of paperwork.

Additional Deterrents

Beyond the quarantine, there are several practical reasons why Earth receives no visitors:

1. The Smell – Earth’s atmosphere, while breathable to many species, has been described as “aggressively organic” with notes of “industrial waste” and “anxiety.”

2. The Humans – Humanity has the distinction of being the only known species to have invented both the nuclear weapon and the selfie stick within the same century. Most civilizations prefer to observe from a safe distance.

3. The Parking – There is literally nowhere to land a spacecraft without either causing mass panic or being immediately surrounded by people trying to sell you commemorative t-shirts.

4. The Entertainment – While human television signals have been broadcasting into space since the 1930s, they have served primarily as a warning to others about what happens when a species develops technology before wisdom.

So the Fermi Paradox isn’t really a paradox at all. Everyone knows where everyone is. They’re just not visiting Earth for the same reason you don’t visit your neighbor who keeps insisting he’s the only house on the street while standing in a suburb.

The galaxy is waiting, somewhat impatiently, for humanity to look up, notice the rest of the neighborhood, and stop being quite so surprised about everything.

Travel Advisory: RESTRICTED. Check back in 100-200 years.