Weird Al is Weirder Than You Think

Most humans labor under the charming delusion that Alfred Matthew Yankovic is simply an unusually creative member of their species who happened to discover that one could make a living by taking popular songs and replacing the words with humorous alternatives about food, Star Wars, or the declining standards of modern hygiene.

This is precisely what he wants them to think.

In reality, “Weird Al” (the nickname itself being an extraordinary piece of xenoanthropological brilliance) is one of the most successful alien anthropologists ever to conduct fieldwork on Earth. His home planet, Blorthax-7, launched him toward Earth in 1959 as part of their ongoing study titled “Why Do These Creatures Keep Making Wars When They Could Be Making Music?”

The Blorthaxians selected music parody as their observational methodology after determining that humans would tell an entertainer absolutely anything, including their deepest cultural anxieties, their political opinions, and their feelings about questionable luncheon meats. By transforming Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” into “Eat It,” or rewriting Nirvana’s angst-filled “Smells Like Teen Spirit” as “Smells Like Nirvana” (a song about how incomprehensible the original lyrics were), Yankovic has compiled one of the most comprehensive databases of human absurdity in the known galaxy.

Several clues expose his extraterrestrial nature to the trained observer:

1. The Accordion: No actual human would voluntarily choose this instrument as their primary means of expression. The accordion is, in fact, standard issue for Blorthaxian field researchers, as its sound waves help maintain the molecular cohesion of their human disguises.
2. The Hair: Yankovic’s characteristic curly hair has remained essentially unchanged since the early 1980s, despite this being thermodynamically impossible according to Earth biology. It is actually a sophisticated antenna array for transmitting cultural data back to Blorthax-7.
3. The Longevity: He has maintained a successful career parodying pop music for over four decades without once appearing to age beyond “vaguely professorial mid-forties.” This is because he is, in fact, 847 Earth years old, which is considered quite young on Blorthax-7.
4. The Universal Approval: Perhaps most tellingly, almost no artist has ever been offended by his parodies. This is because he employs a subtle telepathic field that makes everyone feel inexplicably delighted by his presence. Kurt Cobain called “Smells Like Nirvana” a sign that they’d “made it.” This is not normal human behavior.

His research methodology is ingenious: by creating parodies, he forces humans to examine their own cultural artifacts through a comedic lens, thereby revealing what they truly value, fear, or find ridiculous. His dissertation, tentatively titled “They Sang About What? A Comparative Analysis of Human Mating Calls and Food Complaints, 1980-2023,” is expected to win the Blorthaxian Prize for Xenoanthropology.

The Galactic Council briefly considered recalling him in 1996 after the release of “Amish Paradise,” fearing his cover might be blown, but his subject population instead gave him a Grammy nomination. This was deemed conclusive proof that humans would accept literally anything if it came with an accordion solo.

“Weird Al” Yankovic continues his important work on Earth to this day, recently incorporating newer human communication formats such as “viral videos” and “social media.” His report on why humans film themselves doing dances for strangers remains one of the most downloaded documents in the Blorthaxian Archives.

The Guide’s editors wish to note that mentioning any of this to actual humans will result in them laughing and assuming you’re joking, which is exactly how Yankovic planned it.